I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
