I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I want a musical about memes.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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