I look better un-naked...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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