You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
