mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize