You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
