just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
