Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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