If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
