His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
