Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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