I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
