eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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