and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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