no, he came in my armpit
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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