i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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