Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Let's get the cat blown out
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
