happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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