a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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