Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
