Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
