Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
