He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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