i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
