We're facebook friends in real life
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
