maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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