I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Shame - the story of my life.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
