I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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