There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
