I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
