Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
