We're facebook friends in real life
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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