as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
