I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
