I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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