sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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