OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I am one with the molecules
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
