you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
