like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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