I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
