in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
