sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
