my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize