If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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