I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
