Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
