I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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