i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize