Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize