nut hugger
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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