I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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