were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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