i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
