3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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