You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize