AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Vodka?
Forever.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
