Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
