did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize