Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
