can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
