just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
