Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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